welcome to two thousand fine.

Last Saturday I went to a 4 hour writing workshop entitled "Writing In the New Year". The workshop was put on through Portland Women Writers, an organization that puts on a variety of one day and on-going workshops for women writers in Portland. The workshop had an astrological focus and was co-facilitated by my friends Emily and Jen.

 After we arrived and got situated (there were about 15 women present, including the 2 facilitators), we got right down to business. Our first prompt was "what were you grateful for in 2008". Here's what I came up with:

-Spending time with my dad. A break from Portland winter. Trip to Death Valley.

-Lots of support from friends when I returned to Portland. Honest/hard friendship check-ins with Frannie. Lots of help moving. Finding a new home 2 days before having to be out of my apartment.

-early spring. community dinners. piano and dance lessons. friday afternoon/early evening walks. being present with myself through hard times.

-finding the farm. working in the garden all day and then stripping off my clothes and jumping into the murky pond. Laying on the dock afterwards, feeling the sun on my skin and watching the newts swim by. 

-getting to spend lots of time outdoors and out of the city. getting to use my body. hearing katy humming in the garden. planting little baby leeks and brasicas and squash. picking raspberries every day. missing my friends. fresh cheese and yogurt. milking the goats.

- a glorious return to portland. spending my birthday with my mom. finding a fabulous new home. vancouver adventure. thanksgiving...

that's as far as i was able to get in the workshop. writing this list was a good reminder of how much there is to be grateful for (this list is only scratching the surface).

After we shared what we had written, Emily laid down some astrology for us. One of the biggest deals this year is the super conjunction of jupiter, neptune, and chiron in the sign of aquarius. this is a big deal because some of these planets move very slowly (it takes neptune about 160 years to make it through 1 solar rotation). so they don't end up in the same sign very often. 

neptune is the slowest moving planet. it is connected to deep transformation on a collective level. i.e. finding ways to connect with other in your healing work and remembering that we are all in this together. if someone is hurting, we all are hurting. neptune rules the invisible realm; all things having to do with dreams, spirit and illusion.

chiron is the planet of the wounded healer archetype. One who has to go through experiencing deep hurts, healing from them and then being able to help others in their healing process.

jupiter is the planet of expansion. it makes things bigger.

Aquarius also has a lot to do with group/community healing. finding connection and building support networks. again, that idea that we are all in this together.

What does all this mean? good question. I am complete novice when it comes to astrology and am doing my best to piece together my notes here. what this means is that there is a huge potential for healing this year ( the months of may, july and december are especially potent times for healing). 

it is a year for confronting and healing the illusions we all have. neptune rules freedom and democracy so this is a time when we as americans are having to question what freedom and democracy look like. neptune also rules addiction so there is a huge potential to heal our addictions (but first we must recognize them).

after explaining this to group, emily invited us to do some writing about where we are wounded. this is what i came up with:

My wounds are around food stuff. Binging and then hating on myself. Using food as a way to feel in or out of control. Being hard on myself. Not respecting where i'm at. Knowing that certain foods make me sick and eating them anyways. Recognizing that our entire society has an eating disorder.

Patterns of isolation. Being a part of a fabulous community and listening to voices that tell me that I am less sparkly, creative, productive, lovable, hot, politically active/aware, articulate, intelligent... than my friends.

sexual identity. not wanting to identify as a victim. i am a survivor. working through mild depression/dysthemia. low self esteem. seeing through the illusion that i am not doing enough or where i should be.

questioning decisions i have already made. second guessing myself. giving away my power. indecisiveness. people pleasing. needing validation. trying to create space for all the different parts of me, with myself, with my family, in my home and in my relationships with other people.

I totally cried while I was reading this to the group. I mean obviously there is some heavy shit in here and some of this stuff i have been dealing with/working through for a really long time.

after that, we were given the prompt to write our healing story, to envision our healed self.

In 2009, I am cultivating patience and flexibility. In 2009 I am getting bigger and bigger. Learning to embrace awkward moments. My light is getting brighter and I am able to fully enjoy where I am at. Appreciate my friends and amazing support network. I know that the universe wants me succeed. 

In 2009 I am dancing. I am laughing. I am full of life. I am full of ideas. Full of myself. I enjoy/appreciate what I put in my body and who I surround myself with. My life moves at a pace that is comfortable and exhilarating. I remember to take breaks, take walks, take time for myself. I have an infinite well of energy.

I involve myself in things that I am passionate about. Creative expression and exploration. I am playful and curious. I am having fun. Traveling. Spending time with my family. Letting them see all of me. Letting my guards down. Being vulnerable. Falling in love with the world around me. Recognizing how important I am. Letting my dreams unfold before me. Feeling sexy/wanted/confident.

In 2009 I am fully coming into my power. I am not holding back. I am not saying sorry. Connecting personal healing work to larger struggles. Continuing on the path of discovering who I am and trying to be a little (okay, a lot) less serious about the whole thing. Letting the universe support me. Letting go of the idea that I have to do all of this alone. Recognizing and celebrating all the hard work I have done and all the progress I have made.

After sharing our healing stories, Emily talked some more about astrological highlights of 2009. She talked about the Saturn/Uranus opposition. This means that Saturn and Uranus are directly opposite each other.

Saturn represents the past, old, status quo, structures, conservatism, slowness, things that are firmly set, things that don't change easily.

Uranus stands for revolution, its the planet of the people, liberation, freedom, rebellion, the future, innovation, technology, science.

Other periods of recent history when this opposition happened were the mid-1960s and the late 1920s. This opposition started on November 4th (aka election day). This coming November, Pluto will join the party. Pluto represents the death and rebirth process. The last time Pluto and Saturn were in this position was around September 11th, 2001. So you can imagine that things might get intense.

So, according to Emily, the big question in the next couple of years is; Will humanity take back its power? Will we/I/you take back our power? There is a huge potential for revolution here but there is no telling which way its going to go. 

We spent the next writing time answering the question, "Where in your own life do you want to liberate yourself?"

After we shared these stories, we took a break and then reconvened with enough time to write a letter to our future selves. The facilitators collected these letters and are going to send them to us sometime in the coming year.

A few more astrological announcements:

Mercury is in retrograde right now (and will be until January 31st). This means that Mercury appears to be traveling backwards. Life is meant to slow down during this time and you might notice that computers, cars and electronics are more likely to break down. Miscommunication and misunderstandings are more likely to happen. Frustration and fatigue are common symptoms of mercury in retrograde.

What can you do during this time? 

-slow down. rest. relax. reflect.

-reorganize. reread. rewrite. (basically all re- words)

-back up computer data!

-do research. prepare for new projects.

-resolve issues from past. reconnect with old friends.

-allow extra time to get places, double check details.

-check-in frequently with others to clarify communication

-have a sense of humor and be patient.

What not to do?

-Initiate new projects

-make major purchases (esp. cars or electronics)

- Sign contracts or file lawsuits

-make decisions with long term consequences

-start new relationships or partnerships

This information was taken from a flyer that Emily handed out at the workshop.  For more information about her and her astrological expertise, check out her website; www.portland-astrology.com. 

Also a heads up that we are entering eclipse season. There will be a solar eclipse (in aquarius) on January 25th and a lunar eclipse on February 9th (in leo).

 A solar eclipse is essentially a super-powerful new moon, where we plant seeds for not only the coming month, but the next 6 months and even the next 19 years. Its time to set intentions and move new projects into motion.

A lunar eclipse is a very powerful full moon. Results of past actions come to fruition. We have the opportunity for major breakthroughs, emotional release and new perspectives.

So there you have it, everything you ever wanted to know and more about my goals for the year ahead. Thanks again to Emily for sharing her amazing astrological knowledge and skills. Attending the workshop last weekend was very powerful and inspiring. 

thanksgiving restrospective

this picture was taking on thanksgiving morning at my new home, The Sassy Shack. After my roomies, Paula and Naomi, and I realized we were all wearing blue hoodies, we decided to take a few pictures.

A Decade of Thanksgivings

1998: Sioux Falls, SD

I don't remember much, okay anything, about this Thanksgiving. To be honest, I am not even 100% sure that I was in Sioux Falls. There is a slight chance that my family and I drove up to St. Cloud, Mn to spend the weekend with my mom's niece and her family. All I know is that this was the last Thanksgiving I spent with my mother, father and brother to date. I was 17 years old and a senior in high school.

1999: Whittier, Ca

I was a freshman in college at the University of California at Santa Cruz. I drove down to So-Cal with one of my crazy roommates. I spent the weekend at my Aunt Amy's house in Whittier. I was stoned for most of the weekend. I remember eating lots of food and listening to Radiohead on my Discman. I went to Hollywood one evening with my cousin Teo, his girlfriend Valerie and their friend Johnny Socko. We ended up going to several different clubs and getting really drunk. The details are a bit blurry, but I do have a vague recollection of being in the backseat with Johnny at the end of the night and having to tell him to leave me alone. My cousin and his girlfriend were in the front seat and didn't really do much to acknowledge the situation.

My aunt sent me off with a few joints. I had a really awkward ride with my uncle to meet my housemate. He is a man of few words. I don't think we exchanged more than a few sentences during the hour plus drive. This probably would not have been such a big deal if I wasn't stoned and super self-conscious. On the drive back to Santa Cruz, my housemate and I were in stop and go traffic for several hours. I convinced her to let me stick my head out the car window and take a few puffs off of one of the joints that my aunt gave me.

2000 Whittier, Ca

My friend and housemate Lauren flew down together. Lauren is terrified of flying and I had her nails digging into my arm for the entire flight. My uncle Tim picked me up at the airport. On the way to my aunt's house, we talked about politics. George Bush had just been elected. I think I said something about not seeing a huge difference between the Republican and Democratic parties. I didn't have much to back up this statement, except for that I was a second year college student surrounded by radicals and trying to figure out my own beliefs. 

My cousin invited me to go out with him and his friends again, this time I said no. I stayed at Lauren's family's apartment in L.A. the night before we flew home. We ate sushi and hung out on the roof of her apartment building. Although we didn't start hooking up until a few months later, there was still quite a bit of sexual tension between us at this time.

2001 Palo Alto, Ca

I decided not to go down to So-Cal this year. Instead I spent the day with my friend and housemate Julia (pronounced Hoo-lia) and her family. They made tamales. I interviewed her mother for my Spanish class. Hoolia got really embarrassed because her family talked lots about pets they had buried during dinner. I thought it was hilarious. I decided to drive back to Santa Cruz that evening. I had the house to myself. The heat kept coming on and made the shutters to the sliding glass door make all sorts of noise. I got kind of spooked out and had a hard time falling asleep.

2002 New York, NY

My friend Sarah and I were living in a one-bedroom apartment in Fort Greene, Brooklyn. We were both in New York doing internships for school. We had lucked out and found an amazing space in a central part of town, right above a subway stop even. The only downfall was that her bedroom doubled as the living room. 

We had all gone out the night before. I was sharing a bed with Jeff, a friend visiting from California. Sarah was sharing her bed with Neil, another visiting Californian. Sarah was working at this Internet cafe in the East Village. She always had to work long hours and was only getting paid $5 dollars an hour under the table. She was supposed to be at work at 6am. She kept hitting the snooze button on her alarm, which meant the radio went off every 5 minutes, blaring booty jams. Along with this, the unpredictable radiators kept turning on and off, making lots of noise and spewing hot water.

All of this made it hard to sleep. We got up fairly early and decided to make french toast. Jeff stayed behind to try and get some more rest. Neil and I navigated our way around the huge supermarket by our place, which was quite bumpin' on the morning of Thanksgiving. We had decided to order some pot through a delivery service (very new york). When we got back from our shopping adventure, this guy showed up to deliver the goods. We were still making breakfast. He sold us an eighth of weed in a plastic container with Bob Marley stickers on it for $100. We offered him some french toast, he politely declined. 

In the afternoon, we took the subway over to Devlin's grandma's house. Grandma had other plans for the day so we had to apartment (and the very small but well stocked kitchen) all to ourselves. We spent the next several hours drinking mate and preparing our Mexican-inspired Thanksgiving feast, which included beans and rice and roasted vegetable and mashed potato enchiladas.

A few friends came over. Mostly folks that we knew from California. And my Australian co-worker, Illie. She was a little drunk when she arrived and was taken aback by how "civilized" my friends were. I think she was surprised we weren't all wasted and was a bit embarrassed for showing up drunk. 

We ate and played dominoes. I remember at one point saying that I had no idea where I would be living in a year. That felt scary and exciting.

2003 Portland, Or

I had just moved to town a little over a month ago. I was living in a house in Northeast Portland with several friends from South Dakota and a guy named Joe. We had decided to have a vegan thanksgiving. Unfortunately Morgan had gotten really drunk the night before, and she was the main one planning the feast and I think she was too hungover to enjoy it. We had other South Dakotans come down from Seattle and up from California. Our friend Dave missed his flight. Somehow he managed to get a ride to the bay area and our friends drove down to get him. I had just adopted a cat, Mister Sister. He spent most of the day being freaked out and hiding under the bed in Ian's room. I remember laughing a lot with Kim and her friend. 

2004 Pichilemu, Chile

I had been traveling with Sarah and Breagan for a little over a month. We ended up in Pichilemu, a small beach town south of Santiago, because we wanted to go surfing. We had had our first lessons with Elvis, the Chilean surfing instructor, the day before. We had gone out to dinner that night. Sarah and I had ordered the same thing, which ended up being super cheesy. Sarah had diarrhea most of the next. She opted out of going surfing that morning. 

That evening we went out to a different restaurant. It felt like after being together for a month straight, we didn't have much to say to each other. I think we were all feeling a little homesick. I was also concerned about my health because I hadn't had a good bowel movement in over week. I would head to Santiago to seek medical assistance a couple days later.

2005 Portland, Or

I was living at a house called the Squirrel Ship. My housemates and I had invited a few folks over for dinner. I made squash soup. My friend Rachel who had just moved to town came over late and I was kind of upset/disappointed. Frannie came over later on with pumpkin bread. We played line picture line picture. I am pretty sure Finn and Morgan were there too.

2006 Portland, Or

I was getting ready to move out of the Squirrel Ship. We had another feast. This time Frannie was living in the house. Our friend Kari came over with a lentil loaf, stuffing and at least one pie. I made butternut squash and millet cakes as well as a baked acorn squash and apple dish. Tuesday was there. So was Chelsea. Chane came over later. It was cold and we walked around on the front porch. We played Apples to Apples.

2007 Olympia, Wa

My original plan was to spend the day at my friend Finn's house. But then Frannie had received an invitation to a Spanksgiving extravaganza in Olympia. I had had a difficult couple months and decided that getting out of town would be really good for me. This caused some ripples in my relationship with Finn but we have managed to work through it.

We left for Olympia on Thursday afternoon. I hadn't seen much of Frannie lately and we had a nice talk on the way up. About mental health. About making (and not making) decisions. When we arrived one of the first people we ran into was a mutual friend from Seattle. There were lots of people there and the majority of them were drinking alcohol. 

The feast was delicious and we did a go around before we ate. We all said our name, where we were from, what dishes we brought and what animal we were most like. I said I was like a bear, or a whale. The evening was a bit debaucherous. Some people were wasted by dinnertime. We never even got to dessert that evening. Later we had an impromptu dance party and I read a children's book with a group of people before going to bed.

2008 Portland, Or

This year my new housemates and I decided to host a Thanksgiving dinner at our house. It also doubled as our housewarming party, since 3 out of 5 people have moved in in just the past couple months. We spent all day preparing food and listening to music. I took a lot of pictures. We paused from preparing to conduct a ritual for the new moon at 11:55am. We all wrote down wishes for the next month. We chose one to read aloud and then burn. I smudged everyone with sweetbrush. We held hands and hugged. It was special.

Everyone came over around 4. It was a little overwhelming to have so many people show up at once. We were almost able to fit everyone at the table. We did a go around where everyone said there name and one thing they were grateful for. We also acknowledged that the original Thanksgiving was based on genocide, colonization and appropriation, and that we want to recognize that while also acknowledging that we are re-creating this day for ourselves.

After dinner we played line picture line picture and celebrity password. At the end of the evening we ended up cleaning up the house so well you could barely tell we had hosted a gigantic feast. After everyone left, Naomi and I put in Harold and Maude but she started falling asleep so we turned it off. It was an epic and delightful day. Perhaps the best Thanksgiving yet..

Siren Nation Festival

I have officially moved into my lovely new home, aptly named 'the sassy shack'. my room is coming along, still deciding whether or not to paint it...

My new housemates are lovely and overall, I am really happy to be here. I experienced a short bout of insomnia, i.e. waking up at 4:30 in the morning 2 days in a row and not being able to fall back asleep, but fortunately that seems to have subsided. 

Last weekend, which feels like a million years ago, I had the pleasure of attending a workshop entitled "Start Your Own F*cking Writing Career", facilitated by Michelle Tea. It was part of the 2nd Annual Siren Nation Festival and it was completely free.

I wasn't really sure what to expect. I've seen Michelle read before, at the Anarchist Book Fair in San Francisco, and I've read "The Passionate Mistakes and Intricate Corruption of One Girl in America", her first book . To be honest, I appreciate all the amazing organizing she does, but I am not always wild about her writing, so I wasn't sure what to expect.

She started off the workshop by reading an article she had written on starting your own spoken word event. Michelle was one of the co-founders of Sister Spit, a lesbian-feminist spoken word collective that started in 1994 in the bay area. The ladies of Sister Spit eventually took their show on the road, going on a month long cross-country tour, bringing 13 writers and performance artists (and a roadie) with them in 2 vans. 

Although the original Sister Spit has now disbanded, Michelle has recently started Sister Spit: The Next Generation. The next crew of seven fabulous writers and artists is hitting the road in April 2009. You can check them out on myspace, www.myspace.com/sisterspitnextgen. 

The workshop ended up being really fun, informative and interesting. Michelle spent most of time answering audience questions. She is a witty and charasmatic person. It was exciting and inspiring to hear about her life and the process she has gone through to become a full time writer/organizer/artist and to be able to collectively pick her brain with fellow Portland writers and queerbos for an hour and a half. 

I mean, the woman co-organized a nationwide spoken word tour before internet and cell phones. She is teaching a beginning fiction class at Mills College right now even though she herself does not have a college degree. And she has recently started her own non-profit, RADAR Productions, so she can continue to organize literary events in the bay area and beyond with the financial support of grants and state funding.

She did have some words of wisdom to share, her main point being that if you want to be a successful writer, you have to put your writing first, always. before your shitty job, before your shitty relationships. She also emphasized the importance of building a literary community and putting your work out in the world as much as possible, which is one of the main reasons she and Sini Anderson created Sister Spit in the first place. 

The Siren Nation Festival itself was really well organized and had quite a variety of cool things to check out. There were musical showcases on Friday and Saturday evenings at the Wonder Ballroom, films being shown earlier on in the week, free workshops in the afternoons on Saturday and Sunday and a craft fair on Sunday afternoon. Some of the other workshop topics included; canning and perserving, building a rocket stove, electronic music, zine-making, and much more. This was the festival's second year and it appeared to be quite a success.

Word Stock, a weekend long writing festival, was also happening this weekend, but between moving and attending Siren Nation events, I wasn't able to make it. Oh well, there's always next year. I am so grateful to live in a city with so many amazing people putting on such fabulous events! Yeah Portland!

bittersweet beginnings (and endings).

Oh dear world. I don't even know where to begin. It has been ages since my last confession. I returned on Monday evening from a glorious trip to Vancouver, B.C. I love that city! I had so much fun and left feeling like I could have stayed much longer. My friends and I arrived in the evening on Thursday, to a delicious Ethiopian inspired birthday feast prepared by Milo. The dinner was in honor of my dear friend Frannie, who turned 33 years old on October 30th. Dessert included cardamon butter cookies and rose flavored ice-cream. Appreciations were shared and my heart was warmed.

 Highlights of the weekend included; morning stretch parties, lots of singing and sharing of yummy food, some dancing, a delightful walk on the beach, checking out the Wham! Feminist Artist Exhibit at the Vancouver Art Gallery (aka the Vag). We were also able to attend a samhain (pronounced sow-en) ritual on Halloween. I have never been to a ritual before and was quite impressed by the intention and energy put into the event by the folks organizing it. 

A lot of time was spent explaining what we were doing and unfortunately we were unable to do everything they had intended. Some folks returned later on in the evening to finish the ritual, but my group was not a part of that. We were able to participate in a spiral dance, where everyone in the group held hands and moved around in a circle, pausing to make eye contact with each person. This was a very powerful exercise. 

Two of the organizers had gotten married in a giant blanket fort earlier that day. They spent some time talking about their situation. The bride is a Canadian citizen and the groom is American, and their main impetus for getting married was so that they can live and make music together. They initiated an exercise where we all wrote things that were holding us back on pieces of paper that they created a chain out of. Then we broke the chain. This was meant to symbolize that although they had signed a contract with the government in order to be together, in their hearts they refused to limit or confine their love for each other.

After the ritual there was a potluck/party and it took me a while to transition from a more spiritual space into party-mode. I felt pretty ungrounded for a while and ended up buying a bottle of wine. Not that this was the most grounded decision but it did feel nice to get all warm and fuzzy. My friends and I ended up going to a queer dance party. We had to stand outside for a while, waiting to get in, which gave me an opportunity to show off some of my newly learned thriller dance moves. The dance night itself was rather anti-climatic, but we were able to get in for free, thanks to a generous genius with a bottle of black eyeliner. And there were some amazing costumes, including two monsters from Where the Wild Things Are.

Lack of sleep, the bit of alcohol I had drank the night before and the random combination of foods I had eaten left me feeling pretty haggard and out of it the next day. The morning was spent bumming around the house we were staying at, doing yoga, making breakfast. In the afternoon we all piled in Milo's car to get donuts. Although I was tempted, I opted out of the donut feast which in the long run, was a really good decision for my already compromised digestive track. After the donut run, we went to the ocean. It was rainy and beautiful. Huge maple leaves fell onto the sand. We examined a beached jellyfish and gathered rocks. 

That evening we hung around the house. Made dinner. I went to bed early. The next day we went out to breakfast. Prepared for the dinner party that evening. We decided to make enchiladas. Enjoyed the sun breaks by taking walks in the park across the street from Milo's house. The dinner party went well. I got to see my dear friend Max. Ate more delicious food. Including espresso chocolate cupcakes which made it harder to fall asleep.

On Monday morning Paula and I said our goodbyes and headed south. Crossing the border before 10am, we decided to stop at the highly recommended Olympus Day Spa on our way home. There we spent several hours wearing nothing but shower caps and bathrobes; alternating between hot tubs, the dry and wet sauna and rooms of sand, salt, charcoal and jade. We poured mugwort infused water over our naked bodies, read magazines, ate delicious soup and shook our heads in disbelief that all of this was real. 

Unfortunately after all of this, we spent the next 2 hours in out of rush hour traffic between Seattle and Tacoma. Although we felt relaxed and rejuvenated, this was still a trying experience. We got drove into Portland a little after 7pm. 

Being in Vancouver was a delightful experience for many reasons. Good food, good company, you can never go wrong with this combination. Even though being with a group can be trying at times (I fully admit to extreme crankiness around the time of the donut mission), I really enjoyed spending that much time with friends, really feeling like part of a family. 

I am in the process of moving, yet again, and a huge part of why I am letting go of a wonderful (warm) house with a beautiful piano, nice people and great location is because I want to be part of a team, part of a family. In my new home each person makes dinner once a week. There is a chore wheel and shared food. A free box. A garden. When I have spent time with my soon-to-be housemates we talk about politics as well as self care, about being queer, about thriving as well as surviving.

I spent a lot of time in Vancouver questioning my decision to move. Because I like the house I am in now. Because change/transition is always hard. But this move is my why of deepening my connections with the people in my life. I want more intimacy and vulnerability in my relationships. I have spent the last several years getting to know and understand myself better. Healing my heart. I am ready to let people in again. From this moment on I commit to being an active participant in life, to being fully engaged with the world.

On Tuesday evening, the American public and the electoral college elected a new president, Senator Barack Obama from Illinois. I was at home, doing some organizing in preparation for my upcoming move when I started hearing cheers from outside. Jinny, my housemate, hollered up the stairs to tell me that "they" had just annouced that Obama had won the presidential election. Shortly after that, fireworks were exploding outside, more cheering. I wanted to hug someone. I wanted to be held. 

I also was really fucking tired and just wanted to sleep. I spent some time before bed in my room, noticing and honoring the emotions I was having about the election results. Realizing that part of me has been entirely shut down ever since it was announced that Bush "won" the election in 2004. Ever since the war in Iraq started. 

Its going to take some time to adjust to having a president elect who I can relate to. who i can believe in. I don't think that Barrack Obama is going to solve all of our problems. I don't think we are ever going to go back to "the way things were...". But, like Mr. Obama, I am hopeful for our future. I am also scared of what's to come.

I am also trying to navigate through feelings of disappointment and devastation around all the anti-gay measures that passed. Proposition 8 in California. The Unmarried Couple Adoption Ban in Arkansas. 

I am relieved that voters in Colorado and South Dakota rejected proposed anti-abortion laws. 

I am doing my best to remain hopeful while being realistic. Being cynical/apathetic is an easy pattern to fall into. I am committed to moving forward. To continuing my quest to find what it is that I believe in. And from there, asking myself what I am willing to sacrifice/let go of to move towards this goal..

thrill the world 2008

Yesterday my friend Nickey (pictured above) and I woke up early, got dolled up as the undead and rode our bikes to the Rose City Rollers Hangar at Oak's Park. We used cornstarch to give us the look of the dead complexion, lots of black eyeshadow for the "we haven't slept in a thousand years" (because we're dead) eyes and a mixture of corn syrup and red food coloring for the "i've been eating brains all day" fake blood. 

We cruised down the east bank esplanade, argh-raring at all the saturday morning joggers and cyclists we could. (Our responses were varied, some folks laughed, some rolled their eyes, some seemed oblivious to the fact that zombies had taken over the Springwater Corridor, and some even rarred right back at us..).

We arrived at Oak's Park just in time to do one final practice run of the thriller dance before the real deal. After we registered, one of the organizers had us get into our positions for the dance. "Just remember," she yelled, "you will be dancing with thousands of people all over the world." 

This event was part of an international movement called Thrill the World. Apparently some woman from Toronto decided she wanted to learn the thriller dance. Then she decided that she wanted to teach it to as many people as possible. Then she decided to try and beat the Guinness Book of World Records for the number of people doing the thriller dance at the same time. For more information, go to www.thrilltheworld.com.

All dancers and audience members paid $5. The event was a benefit for the Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center (SMYRC). The actual dance is 6 minutes long. We started at 11am, the event was over by 11:15.

To see a video of me doing the dance, go to www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohXO10kv6rw. I am the 3rd zombie from the right. This event happens every year, in cities all over the world. The dance is really fun (and surprisingly easy) to learn. I encourage anyone that has a little bit of zombie dancer in them to try it out.

7 Things You Should Know About Me.

So my dear friend Carrot tagged me. What does this mean? That I am going to tell you 7 random things about myself and then I have to tag 7 other people who have blogs to do the same... Here are my fun facts about me, more details at the end...

1. When I was little, like 6 or 7, my mom made me go to manners class, which was the modern day version of a cotillion, which she had to go to as a kid. We didn't really have to dance with each other, from what I remember. But we did have to practice things like using formal dinnerware and answering the phone. If our parents weren't home, we learned how to lie and say that they were, so that no creepy adults would act on the opportunity of abducting an unsupervised child. I remember being really embarrassed because when we were practicing what to say, I accidentally said that my parents weren't home. It was one of those moments when my face got really red and everyone went "ooooooh." For the graduation we had to dress up real fancy like and do some weird step/dance thing while some adult person introduced us. I remember that I said I wanted to be a princess, or a queen when I grew up. And when the adult person read that part about me, all the adults laughed.

2. I have lived in all of the states that start with a "c". I was born in Colorado. We moved to California when I was three. And then we moved to Connecticut during the summer before 5th grade started. We did move again, in the middle of my eighth grade year, to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I ended up moving back to California when I was 17 to go to college at the University of California at Santa Cruz. I have been living in Portland for 5 years. 

3. I have an Eloise tattoo on my right leg and "you are here" written on my chest, surrounded by several stars.

4. My middle name is Mattie, after my great-grandmother. My cousins and I all called her  Nanymama. She was born and raised in rural Tennessee and lived in Atlanta, Georgia most of her adult life. She lived to be 103 years old.

5. This weekend I am going to be participating in "Thrill the World". What is thrill the world, you ask? Well this woman from Canada decided she wanted to teach herself the dance from the Michael Jackson video, "Thriller". Then she decided she wanted to try and beat the Guinness Book of World Records for the most people doing the same dance at the same time. If you go to www.thrilltheworld.com you can learn more about the event and see the videos she has made of herself teaching the dance. People from all over the world will be participating in this year's event, which will be happening this Saturday. The Portland chapter of Thrill the World organizers have been working hard to recruit as many zombies as possible. The event is at the Rose City Rollers Hangar at Oak's Park.  It starts at 11am (the dance is only 6 minutes long) and costs $5. All proceeds go to SMYRC, the Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center. 

6. I had an all female radio show in college called "happy and bleeding". I got the name from a P.J. Harvey song. I also co-hosted an indie rock show called "left of the dial" with my friend Joe. For one hot minute I was helping my friend Cody out with his talk show, "Workers' Power" but I got in trouble for playing a song with swear words in it.

7. In 9th grade I got kicked out of advanced English class for calling my teacher, Ms. Haar, Ms. Whore. I didn't think she heard me, but she did. I tried the old classic of just claiming she had heard me wrong, but one of my classmates, whom I was trying to impress in the first place, told the vice principal that I had most definitely said what she thought I said. 

So I actually have decided not to tag anyone else. I know, its kind of cheating but I am still somewhat new to this blog thing and don't have many blogging friends (that I know of), besides Carrot, who tagged me. And I dont really want to tag folks I don't know... at the moment. Maybe later...

Climbing PoeTree's Hurricane Season

 "Are you ready to have your mind blown?" Frannie asked me. I didn't quite know what to say. 

"I guess so. Or else I wouldn't be here." Honestly, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had shown up to this Wednesday evening performance at the Pacific Northwest College of Art because a friend strongly recommended I go. Because it was free. Because I was curious. 

The day of the show, I had almost talked myself out of going. I was feeling like I might be getting sick (a common reason why I talk myself out of doing things) and it was a school night. Also I have just been super busy lately and a night at home has become a rare occurrence. But I had made it there regardless. Driving straight from a chiropractor's appointment where I had the muscles in my jaw massaged until I cried, I made it. 

When I got inside my friends had saved me a spot in the second row (bless their dear hearts). I felt pretty overwhelmed at first. A lot of people I knew were there and I was in a weird space. A weird, I'm not quite sure what to say to anyone space. I sat down and ate my $6 cup of roasted pumpkin soup from the restaurant next door. It was expensive, but it sure was good.

Getting some food in my belly helped me feel grounded and gave me a chance to just sit and absorb my surroundings. The stage set-up was elaborate built mostly out of bamboo with a rather large white screen in the center. There were photographs on either side of the screen, one of someone jumping through the air. Another of a woman with a butterfly over her mouth (note: the photographs were taken by Layla Love).

Shortly after 7, Alixa and Naima (the 2 fabulous women that make up Climbing Poe Tree) came on stage and introduced themselves. I was immediately impressed by how down to earth they seemed. They also both seemed really positive and genuinely excited, but not nervous or anxious. They thanked everyone for coming and talked a little bit about the performance. 

Their show, Hurricane Season: The Hidden Messages of Water, is described on their website (www.hurricaneseasontour.com) as "a 2 womyn show about unnatural disaster and a great shift in universal consciousness... The Hidden Messages in Water interweaves spoken word poetry, sound collage, shadow art, dance, film and animation to explore critical issues facing humanity through the kaleidoscope of Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath."

In their introduction, Alixa talked about the powerful oak trees that survived the storm on the gulf coast. How did they do it? By spreading their roots far and wide, and interlocking with other oak trees in the area. "You can't bring down a thousand oak trees bound beneath the soil". Part of the mission of the Hurricane Season tour is to connect and inspire other oak trees to come together and resist injustice.

Alixa and Naima left the stage to get ready for their performance. While they were getting ready, Sallome Hralima came on stage to introduce herself and go over some of the logistics of the show. Sallome is another Brooklynite on tour with Alixa and Naimi, traveling around the country in a somewhat run-down white van run on vegetable oil. She gave a brief rundown of the timeline for the performance, reminded everyone to turn off their cell phones, and encouraged the audience to make a lot of noise during the performance so Alixa and Naima wouldn't feel like they were alone in their practice space, rehearsing. 

The first hour of Hurricane Season goes back and forth between audio clips of Katrina survivors, video footage interspersed with collage-style animation, and several spoken word pieces performed by Alixa and Naima. 

The material they are presenting is nothing short of devastating, addressing not only Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath, but issues surrounding global warming, environmental injustice, gentrification, and over-consumption as well. Although this part of the performance is heavy to say the least, the amount of passion and energy that Alixa and Naima have when they are on stage together is totally inspiring, even when they are pointing out how the human race and the planet earth are entering in a time of "unnatural disaster".

After about an hour, the first half of the show concluded and they decided to give us a break. The lights turned on and the audience was encouraged to do whatever we needed in the next 10 minutes to take care of ourselves. The energy in the room had totally shifted. I was pretty much speechless. After spending a few moments just being held by my friends, I decided to go to the bathroom. 

The person I was next to in line was totally in tears. There was an incredibly awkward moment where were the only 2 people in the room (besides the 2 folks in the stalls) and I wish I would have offered her a hand or a hug. Even though I have done a decent amount of work on honoring my feelings, and have also done my fair share of crying in public spaces, I was taken aback by how uncomfortable I felt by this person's uncandid display of emotion, mainly because I was having my own emotional response to the piece and I didn't quite know how to reach out to this perfect stranger.

After intermission, Sallome facilitated what climbing poetree has deemed the solution-cipher portion of the performance, where they invite a handful of activists from the city the performance is happening in to come up on stage and talk about the work they are doing in the community and what the audience can do to help. There were 4 people on stage, representing local organizations including the Global Family Network (www.globalfam.org), Outside In (outsidein.org) and OPAL (Organizing People, Activating Leaders, www.opalpdx.org). The idea behind the solution cipher is to give folks examples of ways to get involved with local organizations that are doing work directly involving the issues brought up in the first part of the performance. 

After the solution-cipher, there was another 45 minutes of video, dance and spoken word. The theme of this portion of the show seemed to be on the power of transformation and liberation. We may be in an extremely dark time of history, but this should only inspire us more to find our own unique passions/gifts/drive and share it with the world. "We are all here for a reason." "There is no place where love cannot find you." These are two lines that were repeated during this portion of the performance. 

They also used images and audio clips based on Masaru Emoto's Hidden Messages of Water. Dr. Emoto's work involves documenting the formation of water crystals on frozen water that is exposed to different messages. Check out his book, The Hidden Messages of Water, or www.whatthebleep.com/crystals for more information about this. Basically, water that was "exposed" to positive messages (i.e. I love you, you're beautiful, etc.) formed completely different crystals than samples that were exposed to negative messages (i hate you, you make me sick, etc.) which sometimes didn't even form crystals at all. 

Okay, I know that this is whoo to the nth degree, but cynical judgements aside (which are usually, in my personal experience, a sign of fear in accepting new information, yet important to notice) this shit is pretty amazing. please look at the pictures before you make any final decisions. 

And on a continued side note: I often have a hard time with the amount of sarcasm and cynacism that has become pretty much a pre-requisite of folks of my generation, especially involving issues around spirituality. Yes I know, one could find something wrong with pretty much anything, but i think we need to try and find something to believe in, to be as positive and hopeful as possible, instead of turning everything into a struggle and falling into patterns of isolation and feeling defeated.

I am not the first person to say this, and this is pretty much what alixa and naima were getting at during the closing segment of Hurricane Season. All in all, this performance was satisfying in pretty much every single way. I am still blown away by the amount of energy, time and intention that was put into this show. Even though there was no cushioning or softening of the grim reality of the state of emergency that this world is in, I left feeling completely humbled, inspired and so fucking grateful to be able to participate in this event. Thank you! 

please check out www.climbingpoetree.com or www.hurricaneseasontour.com for more information. They are only about halfway through their tour and if their van makes it, they just might be performing soon in a city near you!