ouch.

I woke up early this morning, around 6am. this is about the time i usually wake up on work days, sometimes snoozing until 6:30. As a lay in bed basking in the warmth of my thick comforter that i just put back on my bed, i had a sneaking suspicion that i was probably not going to get any work calls today. my brain started racing with all the glorious things i could do with this unexpected day off. writing was one of the first things on my list, yet here it is, 10 minutes to 11pm and i am sitting down to write for the first time all day..

what was i doing you ask? oh plenty of important things. i had a long conversation with my housemate. i uploading pictures onto my computer. i walked to the coffee shop down the street and ordered a single soy latte with extra milk. (i have been dabbling in coffee lately, risky business i know, but its fun to experiment). I went grocery shopping. I applied to work at New Seasons.

around noon i decided to go for a run. this seemed like a perfectly harmless idea. i had been on the computer for a couple hours and figured some fresh air and a little exercise would do me some good. About 5 blocks into my run, i fell. i fell hard. harder than i have in years. my foot caught on a piece of uneven pavement. i skipped and for a minute it almost felt like i could catch myself. and if i was walking i probably would have. but i was running. fast. i broke my fall with my left hip, elbow and both hands. i skidded on the cement. a couple folks working on the house i was running by oohed and ahhed. they asked me if i was okay. 

why is this what people ask when you hurt yourself? of course i wasn't really okay, i was in pain, confused and a little flustered. after i managed to pull myself up and assess my injuries, i just looked at the ground and said "that really hurt" and continued on my way. Of course about 2 steps beyond my captivated audience, i started to cry. i proceeded to cry for the entire duration of my run. due to my unexpected tumble, i did a lot more walking and crying than running, and even though it hurt, it felt good to cry.

i had a really intense therapy session yesterday. it almost felt like a personal training session. we were talking about my avoidance of pain and discomfort in my relationships. My therapist was encouraging me to push towards (and perhaps through) discomfort instead of skirting around it. She also pointed out the obvious disconnect between what was going on in my head and what was going on in my body. 

funny that the day after all that, this should happen. hurting yourself makes you pay attention to your body. and getting hurt, especially around other people, always makes me cry. and once i started crying, i felt like i couldn't stop. and while i was walking the 20 plus blocks home, i realized i haven't been crying that much lately. this is somewhat abnormal for me. 

this evening i attended QLiterati, a monthly open mic and reading at the QCenter. The event was free and totally awesome. There was snacks and raffle prices. People that asked to readers questions got homemade cookies. Ariel Gore read, amongst others. I met Frannie there. Afterwards, I walked her to the bus stop. The bus came before we could finish our conversation, and I noticed i had a lot to say,being that i was mostly alone all day. 

After frannie boarded her bus, i realized that my bike gloves were missing. not in my bag. not in my bike bucket. oh dear. I re-traced my steps to the QCenter. Being that I was tired and I hate losing things, I started to cry once again. As I approached the train tracks separating me from the QCenter, the lights started dinging and the gates came down. I spent the next 20 minutes, crying and waiting for the longest train ever to pass. Of course, by the time i got back to the QCenter, the lights were off and everyone had gone home. Its okay, i thought to myself, we'll just call them tomorrow (i often refer to myself as a we).

I made my way home, trying to stay positive, hopeful and grateful, even in the midst of a somewhat trying day. When i got home, I took off my bike helmet and hat, only to find my cute little gloves nestled inside. No wonder my helmet had felt so much tighter on the way home...